Self treatment of common ilness and accidents... funny

I've got the following information from a surgery's leaflet.

Self treatment of common ilness and accidents:

a) Burns
- Apply large quantities of cold water to the affected area as soon
as possible and maintain this until the pain subsides. This may take
as long as 15min ! If the skin is unbroken but blistered, apply a loose,
dry dressing.
If the burn is larger than 4 or 5 inches in diameter or if the skin is
broken, consult your doctor asap by telephone to see if hospital
treatment is needed.

Joyce said: huh????? need to measure the burn's diameter
before can get treatment from hospital?????

b) Cold
- Even in this day and age there is still no magic cure for the
common cold. Go to bed, take plenty of drinks. If you have a
headache or are feverish, take Aspirin or Paracetamol. Do not
bother to take any Antibiotics you may have in the house -
these will have no effect! Please, contact the chemist not the
doctor and do not request antibiotics.

Joyce said: huh??? already sent out warning that
don't come and bother the doctors if you have cold!!!!

c) Stomach ache
- Most attacks are not serious and are usually caused by indigestion
or wind. A hot water bottle will often relieve the symptoms and,
in the case of indigestion, a teaspoon of bicarbonate in a half glass
of water will help.
If the pain lasts for longer than 8 hours or increases in intensity
you should consult your doctor.

Joyce said: Huh???? i can only consult doctor after 8 hours
pain????? OOOh NOOOO!!!!!!